Truly False Interview-Condi 734

Any similarity with real events or persons in this article is purely fictional, even though fiction often times outperforms reality.

"I am really surprised that you agreed to this interview in such a short time, Doctor Rice"

She looked at me without effort, showing off her new contact lenses (Closer Looks, Inc. $279.95) Her desk did not have the usual pile of files, thick binders, flagged reports, e-mails and telephone messages that her predecessor maintained untouched to add to his image of the overwhelmed Secretary of State. She replied:

"As President Bush has said many times, all of us who fight for freedom and democracy must always allow the press to share our concerns, our ambitions and our fears. I think it was Tolstoy or perhaps my uncle Senator Thurmond who said in a memorable address that...."

I was not born yesterday. While my parents always taught me to be respectful with persons of authority and listen politely, I decided that I would not allow Doctor Rice to wrap every answer in her convoluted rhetoric and her superb use of unexpected and enviable avenues of digression, avoidance and even deceit. So I said:

"Doctor Rice, let me make something crystal. Fiction blended with reality makes wonderful scripts for theater or movies, but it makes for empty noise at the State Department. I am not here to listen to the party line. I am here to ask questions and not to receive lectures on patriotism, the greatness of infallible George Bush, the righteousness of the present Crusade and the fine quality of the food served by the State Department cafeteria. I want you to answer the questions truthfully. Just in case, let me remind you that I still have the video and the other tapes!"

My father used to say that covering your backside should not be considered unethical or illegal. Morality demands that we provide ourselves with the necessary armor if we are to survive. In the journalistic profession, this makes a bit more sense than in other occupations.

She turned slightly pale and stuttered:

"No need to get uptight. Keep in mind that I am an important part of the team that is transforming the world from a cesspool of suffering, corruption, envy, tragedy and neglect into a garden where the best human qualities will flourish, where freedom and democracy will guarantee unending happiness. As President Bush is fond of saying. . . "

She can not control herself, I noticed. So I continued:

"Here are the questions. When are you people going to admit that it is time to make a deal somehow and get our troops out of Iraq? There does not seem to be any meaningful policy underpinning our military actions. Was Ted Kennedy right when he suggested over a year ago that you people better prepare a plan to retreat from Iraq? Why does the Administration refuse to join Russia, China, the UN and the European Union in the talks being held with Iran concerning the direction their nuclear program is to take? Or do our War President and Dick need more wars? Are you preparing 'evidence' about another case of made-in-Iran Weapons of Mass Destruction,? Will all this conceal aspirations to control Saudi Arabia, the Gulf Emirates, Libya, Iraq, Iran and eventually Venezuela? Granted that these countries need new political and social guidelines but, strange coincidence, they are the world's top oil producers. Will your gang, I am sorry but I could not bring myself to call it Administration, continue to plow and harvest the gullibility of the religious nuts in this country? Will you have mullahs in the Supreme Court?"

She kept looking at me with a very neutral expression, if that is possible. She smiled seductively and asked:

"Where did you say you keep those tapes?"