UFO: Xrytspet Shows Me a Universe with a Yellow Glow

I had just finished my article on "dark energy," sent it up to EzineArticles. put an abstract on my blog, and pinged the blog to the world when Xrytspet© from Fanton in G10009845788899990766 dropped in to see me.

Hack Writer: What's wrong, is the FnL7 Time Craft in the shop? I though you would be wintering in Chili.

Xrytspet: That's a piece of crap you just wrote, Taylor Jones the hack writer.

Hack Writer: Writers write.

Xrytspet: Some kids going to read that compilation of false science and think it is true—dark energy being sapped to form matter that rides on the fabric of space which is dark energy again. You are confused, Taylor Jones.

Hack Writer: Okay, Twinkle Bird, you explain dark energy to me.

Xrytspet: The odds of you understanding how this particular universe was formed are the same as your chances of making a buck on the Internet.

Hack Writer: Hey, I got a check for $2.38 from LinkShare.com just the other day. I made over $3.50 during the Christmas buying season.

Xrytspet: Want to take a ride? The FnL7 Time Craft is in your back yard.

Hack Writer: What makes you think I would want to ride anywhere with you after that charade of yours in my garage—laying those bouncy eggs and then stealing my Omaha Stakes from my garage freezer?

Xrytspet: You Earthlings are so gullible, especially Taylor Jones the hack writer. So do you want to know about the universe or not?

Hack Writer: Did you eat all of my Omaha Steaks, the stuffed flounder, the gourmet hamburgers and hot dogs—and what about my beef stroganoff?

Xrytspet: You know I don't eat most months. I got hungry. Coming or not?

Hack Writer: Not! I rather ponder on the universe rather than understand it. The universe is an ephemeral thing. What will understanding the universe get me, Xrytspet? The fuzz on the surface of this globe will disappear in a blaze of fire and who will give two hoots in a haystack?

The next thing I knew I was in the FnL7 Time Craft speeding beyond the speed of light in a direction exactly perpendicular to the plane of our universe. Soon the individual galaxies were only spots and then I could see the whole of the universe. But that was not the only thing I saw. There were a multitude of universes. I was so excited I said, "Let's go see that one!"

Xrytspet said, "If we go to that universe, Taylor Jones, you will be instantly destroyed."

I said, "So that is what an antimatter universe looks like. I guess you can tell by that faint yellow glow."

Xrytspet shook her head and said, "You are such an idiot Taylor Jones the hack writer. That is not an antimatter universe. It would just take us so long to get there that I would be not only tired of your mindless chatter, but hungry again.

I said, "Xrytspet, I think it's time to go home."

The space craft shook and I thought it was going to shake me to pieces. I heard this voice, "You are having a nightmare, John! Wake up!

I looked up.

It was just my wife.